hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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