Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize