Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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