she was so not down for the gang bang
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I got inside last night via doggy door
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So here I am, sexting at work.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
