wrigley field is MILF paradise
North Korea, Best Korea!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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