you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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