You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
