You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
