I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
