there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
