clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
