I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
