Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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