I only kidnapped one of them. chill
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
