I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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