All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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