good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
time to smoke my breakfast
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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