What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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