There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
