Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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