Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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