True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
