Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize