but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
