You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
