we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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