i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
