i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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