the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
