OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
nutella sex= disaster
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
