I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize