Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
