yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
