Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
