bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
