I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
