ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
