once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
