Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I will be naked everywhere
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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