He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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