I hope mine doesn't look like that
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
