I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think I just sharted jello shots
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