Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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