ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
