One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
