im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
