I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
