what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize