it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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