I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
