The maid of honor just puked.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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