I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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