my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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