Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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