The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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