That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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