yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
But break dance skills will only take you so far
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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