I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
