You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
