So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
