she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The air was thick with penises
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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