i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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