I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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