The best revenge is premature balding
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
