I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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