he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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