We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Nicole vs. Life
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
