Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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