Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
