Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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