Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
