I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
