then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
as a side note pls kill me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
