Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My Higher Power is John Stamos
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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