I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
