Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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