i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
