Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
