There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
