I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize