okay pat passed out under dana's car
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My day in three words: secret purse cake
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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