I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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