Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I hate all girls vehemently.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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