it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
MIDGETS
????
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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