dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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