I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize