I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
