These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
