you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
