I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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