I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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