Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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