I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
