Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
